So, at the risk of exposing myself to new friends and lovers as the sentimental and melodramatic girl I am and in the spirit of my recent experiment in my own vulnerability, I embark upon another long delayed and very personal post. I never can seem to keep up with myself on a blog. I find that my meandering intellectual interests and ramblings are often also my most surreptitious, for they feel almost spiritual. I feel a bit exposed in expressing personal theory online–it lends itself to the illusion of permanence or importance, neither of which do I seek for myself or my ideas. Still, I do desire the sort of fantastic sense of correspondence I get in writing and then publishing these posts. While importance is of no importance to me, dialogue and exploration is. And so, here is where I timidly seek support, criticism, and yes probably validation in the form of discourse. -Sigh- just a short reflection on why my blog has been on the back burner for the last YEAR!
In any case, being polyamorous has been the most recent emotional and intellectual adventure in my life, which may also contribute to my lack of blogging since this exploration has been significantly more personal than previous. It has become increasingly more real and practical over the last couple of years. Conversations with poly and monogamous friends and acquaintances have shaped my thoughts and actions as have romantic and near romantic encounters with individuals all over the poly-graph -teehee- (by which I refer to a very real if comical vendiagram to which I was recently introduced). I have encountered countless reactions to and interactions with my polyamorous declarations from varied individual positions over the past several years and in recent months–in part due to these communications–the importance of my identification with poly inclinations has become abundantly clearer. I’m certain that I will have much more to say on this subject as a read and explore further my own poly disposition, but I suppose this post is a sort of coming out for me. The following are a couple of paragraphs pulled directly from my personal journal which are likely the culmination of many years of monogamous, and non-monogamous relationships, observations of my own and others’ blunders, and finally inspired by recent experiences which have confirmed for me the real possibilities of a polyamorous life. An epiphany of sorts. 🙂 I often think before I publish something like this that it needs to be annotated: definitions, expositions and explanations, caveats etc. Today I think I shall submit it in its raw format, perhaps understandable as free verse; because frankly, it’s just how I feel, and that discovery has been profound.
I believe that the love we make between us has too much energy to be contained by the boundaries of a (single; traditional; defined; etc.) relationship. Its energy is so expansive and infectious it must be shared with everyone in our lives. In sharing this we allow for it to grow to its full potential, reproducing itself exponentially and creating love and joy in our own lives as well as in our communities and the world.
This is because the love we make is not a novel creation, it is old. Its source is as unknown to us as its end, and I believe it to be cyclical like all energy and matter in our known universe–constantly recycling itself in different forms. Therefor the only way to make sustainable love is to continue to return it to its source. This then, results in an individual as well as cultural state of flux: energy looking and moving inward, then outward and inward again until we reach a state of utter bliss where all is one and this love we seek, discover, and share is pervasive–ubiquitous.